


That is why I...

by ayakasha



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, How The 50lvl DRK Quest Should Have Ended, Hurt/Comfort, Japanese version of Fray, Other, WoL Is Referred To As She
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 04:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21422371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayakasha/pseuds/ayakasha
Summary: An alternative end of the 50lvl DRK quest.
Relationships: Fray Myste/Warrior of Light
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	That is why I...

The Whitebrim Front is getting closer with any second. She runs as fast as she can, ahead of her companion knight.

She is distracted, which is unusual for the Warrior of Light. Even though she has to be worried for the fate of the attacked ones, she can’t. They are too used to the attacks of different kinds, with heretics confrontation being always a problem. Her Dark Knight Master, though… She can’t get him out of her head. His odd behavior, his sad words, his strange but strong intention to make her hear and understand the Voice. There’s definitely something going on. And beyond that, how weak he seemed this morning. When she came outside the city gates and called him, he was nowhere to be found. Why? Wasn’t it because of his state? Should she have stayed there longer? Even if it meant to refuse these knights with the beast tribe problem?

_“Oh,”_ she thinks, _“I should have.”_

She feels it somehow would be right. To be honest, the beast tribe leader wasn’t too hard to kill. She’s forgotten his name already - such not-a-problem he was. And still refusing the knights would be a very selfish choice for a hero everyone thinks she is. So maybe she did nothing wrong? Or maybe this guilt is the Dark Knight thing, something she hasn’t yet grasped. Oh, how unsure she is, only knowing that whatever the choice, she would have felt herself guilty either way.

They can see the Whitebrim Front walls already.

They pull out their swords, preparing.

The gates are conveniently opened.

The wind is quiet.

The snow is falling slowly.

The anxiety is rising as if in anticipation.

Something is wrong.

The first moments are the most shocking.

Fray stands there alone, in the middle of the square. Surrounded by the circle of knights’ dead bodies.

She can’t believe her eyes.

Are these knights really dead? Fortunately, not! She takes a closer look and sees some of them slightly moving, some of them moaning, and their warm breath is drifting in the air like little clouds, blending with the snow. Their wounds are not as bad as she thought. But they are weak and they need help.

_“Of course,”_ she thinks, relieved, _“Master wouldn’t have done it! But... What is going on? Doesn’t look like a Dark Knight training...”_

He slightly turns, yet not to fully meet her questioning gaze. And he says quietly, in such a weird and troubling tone, that her heart stops beating for a moment.

“Oh… so you **have** come. Even if it’s not where we agreed to meet.”

The growing ever stronger guilt hits harder. Yes, she is guilty, she feels it. However, not to the point you have to slice the whole bunch of the knights, right? Is this another Dark Knight thing she’s oblivious to?

“I am sorry,” she says quietly. Shouldn’t she say it louder or will it only provoke Fray to do something even worse? She can’t say what’s inside his head and what his next move will be.

He finally turns completely and she can’t avoid his gaze of melted gold anymore. She looks up, desperate to understand. She still doesn’t, but it’s starting to hurt as if a part of her already knows the answers.

“You didn’t listen to my warnings and continued to act as a hero again. A hero, convenient for everyone. And so... I’ve decided to erase everyone who force you to act this way”.

She frowns. She can’t repeat apologies now. So weird it is, what he says. Helping others is exactly what Dark Knight do, isn’t it? Isn’t it?.. Another bothering thing is how he talks to her as if they know each other well. As a friend to friend, or lover to lover, or as if they are a family. Not as the Master to the Apprentice who have known each other for literally a few weeks. Her mind is rumbling, tumbling with scraps of thoughts and emotions.

To be honest, at this point she isn’t sure anymore. Is Fray really the Master of Dark Knight Arts? Or is he... something else?

“We have gone so far and you still don’t understand? Well, of course, why would you,” he shrugs and makes a small bitter laugh. “You don’t understand because the one who distanced herself from me… was you.”

“Distanced? From you?” a whisper, hardly louder that breath. She wants him to continue talking. She wants to hear more. Can’t argue, it’s weird. Still, somehow natural. Even her mind doesn’t want to disagree immediately and to point out how ridiculously it sounds. There’s probably a reason for his actions, for the familiarity too… She only needs to know.

Fray’s eyes swiftly turns red representing the Darkness itself.

“That’s right,” he points at her direction with his armored hand, his voice harsh and stern. “I am you.”

_“No. Way.”_

_“No way.”_

_“It can’t be true, right? How can he be… me?”_

She is speechless. It’s empty inside her head for a few moments. What does he mean? How can that be? And if so, how can she be doubled, having another body, using the Darkness freely, teaching herself, killing knights in Coerthas? How?!

Fray doesn’t give her time to cope as he continues.

“Every time you acted as a hero, the fear and hatred you felt were sealed in the Darkness of your heart. And I am a Shadow representing all of your negative emotions.“

She listens further as it’s slowly starting to make sense. She can’t argue with her shutting out all the bad feelings for the sake of being a hero. She kinda knew she does it. But what choice does she have? If it’s not for her, then who else would go there to defeat primals, face Ultima Weapon and lead utterly hopeless attacks on dragons? She makes a step forward and dares to ask the shadow, now that he seems eager to make everything clear.

“But how? How is it possible?”

“When you first touched the Soul Crystal, the remaining power of original Fray’s Darkness came into move. The desire to live he embraced in his dying hour has stolen your aether. But not only your aether has been absorbed. Triggered by the contact with the Darkness, your negative emotions, in other words me, have thus began to live in this body”.

He makes a pause. And she doesn’t move, only staring at him impatiently. Now that she knows how Shadow Fray came into being, the most important question remained is why. Why has he been doing it all? Pretending to be the Dark Knight, trying to make her hear voices, and now killing people for getting attention.

And he continues, every word filled with overwhelming emotions.

“At last, I’ve got the opportunity to meet you! You, who were distancing from me after becoming a hero. However, when the stolen aether runs out, I won't be able to use this body. I will disappear… or return to the Darkness of your heart.”

And now all the bitterness and deepest sadness of his emotions resonate with her very essence. To see the embodiment of the most desperate part of herself… It is heartbreaking. She touches the chest plates of her armor, unknowingly trying to reach the actual source of their pain - her heart.

“Before that I want you to know,” he sighs. “I wanted more than anything to be chosen by you. And still they are…All of them, they are standing in my way!” the cruelest and hardest glare he gives to the wounded knights makes them gasp in awe.

She instinctively becomes alerted, ready to move any moment should the Shadow attack anyone. But he isn’t interested in fighting anymore. He looks back at her, still having many things to say.

“I used Fray's memories to teach you the Darkness. I faked the ritual and returned a part of me into you. But you still couldn't notice the owner of the **Voice**. That **Voice** was my... No. Your own **Scream**. I wanted to be sympathized from the bottom of your heart and to be cared for with love. But the time has run out.”

He starts glowing with red smoke of Darkness and she doesn’t have any doubts about him running out of time.

And her mind tries to cover as fast as possible everything being said.

So, Fray… not exactly Fray but her own shadow, the most desperate emotions of her own, has tried so hard to be noticed and accepted. And has gone so far to just get some proper attention. And now the time is up, hence the methods became more severe. But why? Why couldn’t they just talk earlier?! If she listens and believes now, she would have believed and listened then!

_“Only he is my emotions, right? And emotions have never been reasonable...”_

He doesn’t have time. And yet continues to talk, he’s voice shivering.

“You said you would save the owner of that **Scream**. In that case, look at me properly this time! It was always, always so irritating to watch you working hard for the sake of the others! I wanted to be **one** of these **others** too...”

And this is where she can’t hold it anymore. As soon as she get the whole picture, it floods her away. All the pain Fray, her Shadow, might be feeling is becoming reflected inside of her. She is drowning in her own emotions. Endless compassion, and tenderness, and love.

They are so heavy, so fierce, so deep, intense, and overwhelming… She can’t, she just can’t……

The sword slips out of her hands and hits the frozen stones. Clang.

Why is she standing here?! **Here**, when he is over **there**, and right now he needs her more than anything in this world.

“You have to realize! How much it's dark, painful and lonely here.. ”

“Yes, you are right, I understand now, I realize,” she whispers passionately with trembling voice. And she makes a step. And then another. And then faster, and faster, almost running towards him. The wish, the desire to protect him, it’s flaming, burning inside. He is so fragile, so lost and so lonely. To the point it’s getting hard to breath.

Tears appear unwillingly in the corners of her eyes. She takes the helmet off and throws it away.

Clang. Clang. Clang.

The tears flowing down her cheeks dry in the freezing air and burn her skin. She looks directly at him for he must know, she finally realizes, she finally feels everything he wanted her to feel!

And she cuts the distance and faces him inevitably. Eyes to eyes. The ones with tears and endless compassion. And the red ones with rage, full of pain.

"I want you to choose wisely,” he says so softly that only she can hear. “Will you protect the world by killing me? Or will you kill me (and you) by protecting the world?"

With everything being said, the flickering of the Darkness around him intensifies. She sees now how he’s hardly standing.

“Wait!”

She rushes forward, so that she could hold his hands. She won’t let him fall.

“You took my aether and then came into being, right?” she whispers anxiously. “So what if…”

She closes her eyes and lets her aether flow into him. Just as they did to defeat the Ascians back then with the Akatsuki, now it feels like an eternity ago. But more carefully, more willingly, wishing desperately it worked.

Shadow, or Fray, hell, it doesn’t matter anymore, seems so freaked out. His eyes wide opened. He definitely has never expected anything like that. With the aether incoming, the red smoke around him gradually disappears and he stands on the ground more firmly now.

As for her, she continues to pour aether to the point her head starts going dizzy and she nearly falls down.

“What have you.. Why?” he demands, keeping her in his hands, not letting to fall.

“You said my aether, mixed with the original Fray memories, was what made you alive? That you can't move this body anymore because the aether has withered? Well, I've got plenty of it. And you’ve lasted so long on that tiny amount you absorbed the first day… So I just…”

She is panting now. Weary after losing aether so fast. She takes a few deep breaths before continuing. And now it’s Fray’s turn to listen.

“So I just thought. If I give you some aether, then we will have much more time to catch up. Seems it worked?”

She smiles, looking into his eyes reddish no more, melted gold again.

“Let me hear you more. Let me accept you. Let me know you better…”

He is holding his breath as she says things he always wanted to hear. While cradling her gently, he slowly settles on the ground, eager to listen further.

Still smiling, she raises her hand, putting it where his cheeks could be behind the helmet, stroking the cold steel.

“I think you were wrong about one thing,” she murmurs softly. “You can’t be just my Shadow and nothing more. Because, you see, you are not exactly me. You have a real body, I feel how strong your hands are. You breathe and I see how your breath turns into clouds of steam. Your eyes are glowing, reflecting my armor and all of the snow. You speak how I never spoke and you know things I never knew. You were born from the desire to live and, as every living being, you don’t want to disappear, to stop existing. You have memories of original Fray, and somewhat a mix between his and mine emotions and thoughts. You are a real, unique person with your own mind and your own decisions now.”

He moves forward as if trying to argue, but she puts her pointing finger where his lips might be under the helmet.

“But yes, you share my feelings with me, especially the saddest ones. So… Let me show you there’s also bright emotions in the world. Let me share with you not only pain but also joy and happiness. There’s no one in this world who would understand me better than you… And I want to know you better too.”

She takes another deep breath.  
“So, please, stay with me, let’s live on and see many, many days, and nights, and sunsets, and dawns. Let’s have our own journey one day. For I won't leave you again. Never. Never ever. I won't abandon you.”

She wants to see his face. If only he could take his helmet off... Still, she can read his eyes and she knows he’s accepting her.

Completely speechless, Fray raises his empty hand, the other still carefully embracing her. His fingers are trembling, as if he is excited or nervous. Being unsure of what he's doing, he hesitates for a few seconds and then touches her hair, gently brushing them.

_“Is this your answer?”_

She closes her eyes, looking so relieved, still smiling with the corners of her lips. Is she able to somehow convey this unconditional love to him? What can she do to make Fray feel how loved and welcomed he is? This is the first time she comes across such a problem. And there’ll be plenty of days, weeks and months to solve it.

***

Both of them completely forgot about the knights gathered around. And indeed the knights were confused. What had they just seen? Their mighty hero embraced the attacker as if they knew each other for all eternity? Something weird and troubling had just happened, no doubt, but they felt uneasy and hesitant to intervene. Quietly whispering to each other and tending to the wounds of the attacked, they decided to consult with Commander Drillemont and to leave the hero alone. For now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm not English native and I'll be greatful for pointing out my mistakes <3  
All of the Fray remarks are translated directly from the quest (except one!). I was enjoing working on the translation a lot!
> 
> By the way, did you know you can put all the jp 30-50lvl quest names together and get a short summary for the WoL story with Fray? It sais «The Darkness is flickering, in the darkness darker than Death. Guided by the Scream, the Hero is continue going, but the World is the Enemy. That is why I...»


End file.
